My Blog

Again…. new place… new boy fren… new me… lol
Lovin my life….
Tired of night lifestyle
juz wuna enjoy growing older and working hard to be rich…. haha
Naaaah… just playin
Let’s update info about current me…
I am still working full time
Going to skewl part time
Still driving everyday n getting sick n tired of it ( i need a personal driver)
My bf still spoil me
i gained a bout 16 lbs since i met my current bf
my clothes don’t fit anymore
i need a closet full of brand new wore drops 
n i am dying to eat my moms cooking
Dude…. wen am i guna be able to go home to indo… hiks

eventhou i promised you to let you do things you want to do
its not easy to see all things you’re doing right in front of my eyes
i want to trust you n im trying to
i know dat im hurting, but dis is wut i want
i told you i will be there for you until you dont want me to
wut happen to us beyb?
we’re falling apart… going to different directions
i thought opposite attracts, but we r juz getting further away from each other
i know we love each other so much…
is it because of our differences?
i cant guess wut you want anymore its tearing me apart
y u’re so closed? i want u to tell me wut u want
ssshhgh…. i know dis writing will not gonna get to ur hand
but i really want you to know dat im guna be here
Mom… you always understand me
you said "its ok with me, Juz be happy"
it means a lot to me mom
all your support, you always got my back
You said Love has to sacrifice with no regret n deep from ur heart
i still need to learn a lot bout life n how to love
should i do wutever it takes to be with him even thou if its killing me from the inside?
God is fair right? will i win his heart?
im afraid of losing!
but i guess u juz have to face it if nuthin else workin
i cant force him to stay if he doest want to
its probably karma for treating J before, so dis is wut i get in return

its not fair you noe when your bf asked you who you love the most from all your exes or him…
i dont like comparing my loves to everysingle person i was with in the past specially with the one i am with rite now… cos its just never the rite answer for it cos they always have different ways to love someone or to be loved by someone. but then it always feels like the new love is stronger than before but it doesnt feel rite for me to say it cos i dont wuna sounds to corny or even just make an assumption for him to think that im just saying that because im with him…. so pliiis guys dont ask that kinda question to your gf… its just weird…
my love rite now is so different… im trying to be tough n stronger for this one
i have a good faith on my relationship rite now. i dont wuna give up…
but of course there’s qeustions playing around in ma head wether everything worths wut it supposed to.
i am happy with him. we have our ups n downs but im willing to go thru it together.
i am just hoping that he will do the same thing.
well just wish me luck …
imma go now cos im babling all over the place with nonsense hehhee…

she said " no good"
another said " the same mistake u repeating"
he said "i thought u know better than that"
they said " you are blind!"
but ma mom said " honey! you are the only one who knows wut makes you happy! you know wuts right from wrong, wutever path you chosed, you are the one who’s in it. do wtever you think wuts best for you n even thou wutever it is seems to be wrong for everybody else even me, i want you to be happy but i dont want you go too far from your belief"
see… ma mom always know how to put words together to make it easier for anybody take it.
i know im not always make my family n frens proud of wut ive done or wut im doing.
but you know its part of my journey where i have to find all of the answers im lookin for n making mistakes n learn from them n how to fix them.
when they said they know wuts better for me n im doing everythings wrong, but then when yu look at back on their lives… they’re just doing the same exact things… y would i wuna listen?
people only jugde wut other people doin wrong without look at themselves in the mirror n think about wut they’re doin wrong.
you know wut! im tired listening to people telling me how to do my life.
i am happy for who i am, wut i am, n where i am rite now.
sometimes i think n look back that… y im living my life for everybodyelse but my self?
i hate being selfish… but sometimes you just have to be.
n you noe…. girls are very emotional n i dont even noe if wut im writing rite now based on emotion or clear mind… but i just noe that its how i feel rite now.
i noe that everybody prob talkin shit bout my life rite now or even they whom they called my family
thats how life are i guess…
my mom is the number one person in my life that i care the most…
my dad? he eh… i dont even noe wut i have to think about him…
the most irresponsible person that i ever known in my entire life..
all he thinks about is his own good n everybody else is wrong.
no wonder his family fell apart… huh.. not my fault…
hmmm……..  wut else about my life?

love life is just driving me nuts!!!
he better not takin advantage of me cos imma f**k his ass up
im just playin!!!
but fo real tho, im tired supporting his ass when all he does just get loaded n shit
man im talkin like a gangsta nation over here
i think i better stop now hehhe
anyways….
love is always hard to manage…
doesnt matter how deep ur love is sumtyme yu have to balance between heart n brain
but fo real….
nah i dont even noe wut im sayin
i fell deep like wut always happened to me in the past but its just never enough
they want more…. cant chu understand dat im just a human
ah wutever… dont feel like story time no more
so imma peace out ya’ll

amit deh entah gw tolol ato apa… ah agk jadi deh ngebahasnya…
anyways…
its so funny u noe…
after all this time n everything is alredy final… he just cant get over it
even knowing that im with someone else..
anyways juan is jealousy too… i cant talk to any guys even tho just as a fren or wuteva
its funny i guess im attracted to posessif guys haha
but this one… o ma Gosh
he makes ma heart melt n i am spruuuuuuuuuuung
im happy happy happy
dats good rite?! i mean… knowing that i just went thru something really big that kinda digged holes in ma heart
so i deserve this doncha think?
well anyhow… im glad that i found someone …
n we planning to go to indo at the end of this year.
if he cant come i just have to go there bamaself cos i miss yu guys sooooooooo much so yeah… juz be prepare cos im coming to town haha…

it feels good not being alone no more
u noe wen people said dat things happen for a reason… it sure did…
ma old journey ended just as the begining of new one…
n here i am done with all the pain n tears..
im happy with ma new don juan…Juan Jose Ruiz…
yup yup yup dats his name…
he is a skaterboy…
i love watching him skate at the skate park n hang out with his homies… we eh
he is sooooo cute n he adores me… like wise
he’s wonderful n we always have fun together
we dont waste time with arguing or just being jealous of each other
as we can say… we r in love to each other.. isnt that sweet
so he told me Te quiero mucho tambien mi indo princess… aaaaaaw how sweet of him
he said "i wanna do better for u n both of us"
hope he wasnt just saying that… but anywayz…. dats all i can say for now… but i will definately tell u more about us…. foo shoo
but i gotta bounce for now… adios

am i wrong to take him back?
or even just thinkin about it?
i dont noe
i think im too stupid
i noe i will hurt everybody who was there for me when it happened
i am absolutely insane if im doing this
but i seriously just cant think bout anybody else even thou i have tried
being with someone else but then always comparing
i noe its not fair for them
but i dont think i can be wit someone else but him
doesnt matter people said dat he’s not good looking or he’s a dork or wutever
maybe my feeling for him not as strong like it used to
but it still there
n its the matter how he’s trying to gain it back

i need to take a break… i need to slow down a little n take some deep breaths

im lookin for things to do to help me relax…

wanna go to the gym… hang out wit some frens…

visit ma mom (o crap… no money for that… ha ha)

wanna go snowboarding…(even thou dunno how… never done it)

or …. hmm… well….

i think enough for me losing so much weights for the past months… about 16 pounds…(thats a lot, knowing im already skin n bones)

no wonder all my fren kept on feeding me to make sure im aite…

but i gained it back about 6 pounds… so some more wont hurt…

im back to my routine exercises like sit ups, push ups, kegel exercises hehehe but …. i dont know.. feel like there are things still missing…

wanna play some games, wanna go to dave n buster’s…. still have lots of tokens to play in my card…. hmm… just have to find someone who wants to go with me…

maybe i should start drinkin?!  heheh im just playin guys…

o shut… im in the middle of takin cold test…. still 75 questions to go… guess… i will talk more later… he eh

i think im too worry bout this N-Clex exam thing…

huh… im so scared that im not guna b able to pass it thru….

i study everyday… go to the campus everysingle day just to do some cold test preparation…

but im still scared….

anywayz… pray for me guys…